The most dangerous worldview is the worldview of those who have not viewed the world.

- Alexander von Humboldt



Dec 30, 2016

On Freedom, and the Facade of the American Dream

Many people spend their entire adult existence trapped in what others might consider a dream.

Me? I stand for freedom; and it’s worth dying for.

The fact is that life, for the most part, is spent sleeping, dreaming. The only thing you maybe do more than sleep is work at some shitty job, which someone may have convinced you is your dream. You pay for a place to live, to stay in the town you work in, and to keep working so that you can have your house and car to get back to your job.

America as a whole has lost track of its foundation. Lost respect for its populace. Lost direction towards the greater good. The federal government is fucking all of us, and we just take it like a skinny white inmate. Try for yourself to make a change — you will be met with rifles and police who are brainwashed by the system. Paid not to think, paid not to feel, with promises of benefits later in life. Just follow orders and keep the status quo at all costs. Many people haven’t even read our constitution, and when you do, you will see how far away from our roots we have traveled.

“The land of the free and home of the brave,” has turned into “the land of the fat, and home of the afraid, lazy, pathetic, and insecure;” many people turn to drugs for help. People barely go into nature anymore and can’t even start relationships on their own, turning to the internet as a helpful, non-committal, courage-less way to meet people. What happened to courage?

The fact is that most of these “social problems” stem from the horrid way of life America has put upon you. Everything, I mean every-fuck-ing-thing, is standardized, regulated, and controlled specifically to benefit a third party you probably aren’t even aware of. It’s utter bullshit, and the fact that people can’t take responsibility for their own actions anymore, without regulations, astounds me. This is why I think it is bullshit when people complain to me about the dangers of BASE-jumping. They tell me I’m crazy, that I am stupid, that I am selfish, that it’s a dumb sport, and it’s heavily regulated because of this. Did you know it’s a felony to BASE jump in Yosemite National Park? Seriously, you will be arrested, fined, and stripped of all your gear, for parachuting in a national park that is supposed to be for the public. I still jump there, partly because it’s got the most amazing cliffs in the world, but also because I really want to just say “fuck you” to the park authorities. If you want to stop me, you will have to catch me. Plain and simple.

Even though BASE-jumping is risky — the consequence can be death, or serious injury — what is wrong with that? I’m consistently immersing myself in nature, developing social relationships, staying physically active, and enjoying the fuck out of my life! Not only that, but because I have an intimate relationship with death I appreciate my life more. Why do you think death, injury, and drama in general are on TV? It’s edgy, it’s interesting, it’s moving.

The fact that many of my closest friends have died BASE- jumping, and many others have been seriously injured in their pursuit of the sport wears hard on me. But the media speaks nothing of the benefits and positivity surrounding the sport, just the negatives. Why doesn’t the media talk about fat, lazy, sickly insecure people rotting away in a pathetic facade of an existence? Well, because the system is designed for them to be there.

I clearly remember walking up to the fresh corpse of my best friend, 22-year-old Daniel “Money Makin’” Moore, and not understanding it. I got a call from a friend. He said, “Hurry, Daniel hit hard, he needs help.” I was in the car, and didn’t know what had happened. I turned around and rushed to the cliff. I ran up to the base and, well, people had told me that my friends would die, but I never really thought it would happen. In fact death and dead people these days are almost entirely removed from daily life. Families no longer bury one another, feeling the weight of the body, and naturally dealing with the passing. Morticians do that for us now, to “protect us” they say. Well there is some logic to it, because it does and has affected me heavily. Seeing his face, eyes helplessly open, dripping blood slowly from their corners, down his cheeks and from his mouth. I held his hand, which was still warm, but there was no pulse, no life, just meat and bones. It was the most intense experience I have ever had and I cried and fled. But, I’ve come to think that people need this feeling. TV tries to manifest this feeling because it is potent, visceral, and meaningful, but mostly it keeps people watching through the commercials that pay $$.

Well I am sick of this shit. Yes, BASE is scary. Yes, it kills people. But part of being human is death, injury, and the emotional and spiritual connections made from those experiences. If BASE takes my life too soon, yes it is going to be tragic, yes it is going to be wasteful, but it’s going to be my choice. It’s my life, and my death.

America has let me down. Insurance and liability are ruining our society’s ability to pursue happiness freely. The general public isn’t even trusted to make their own decisions anymore. That’s why the police can say that they are just protecting me from myself. Well, from me to everyone out there: Fuck you and fuck off. I’m going to live this way no matter what, so you may as well let me live the way I want to, and maybe even embrace it too. I don’t come into your office and ask you why you are a CPA, or a waitress. In fact, that would probably come across as condescending, because it is.

If you enjoy pretending that money makes you happy, keep going because there are pills you can take to fill the void inside you. None of my fallen comrades died in vain, because they all the stood for freedom, which is something most people these days take for granted. Soon it will be gone forever, and the sad thing is most people won’t even see that it’s missing.

What would you die for? Or would you die for anything? My bet is that most people in America would choose to be a coward like the rest of the brainwashed, uninspired, pathetic populace that crowds our lands like mosquitoes in a stagnant pond.

Me? I stand for freedom, and it’s worth dying for.

Feature Image: Without a harness or protection, Sketchy Andy doing justice to his name. Photo by Apoorva Prasad / The Outdoor Journal

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Athletes & Explorers

Oct 19, 2018

Outdoor Moms: Hilaree Nelson – Mother of Two, Mountaineering Hero to All

2018 National Geographic Adventurer of the Year, ski descent of the Lhotse Couloir, ski descent of Papsura, first woman to summit two 8,000m peaks in 24 hours… mother of two.



Brooke Hess

‘Outdoor Moms’ is a new series, profiling mothers pursuing their sport, all while taking care of family. You can read the first article on world-famous kayaker, Emily Lussin, here.

“You know just when you have that skin crawl on the back of your neck. Like, we are not in a good place. We need to move.”

One week ago, Hilaree Nelson was in Nepal completing one of the biggest expeditions of her 20 year ski mountaineering career. Today, she is sitting at home in Telluride, Colorado, just having finished the hectic morning routine of packing lunches and getting her two kids to school on time.

She is telling me the story of when her crew got stuck in a storm between Camp 1 and Camp 2. Instead of pushing on through the whiteout, they decided to set up an interim camp and wait it out. “We were all huddled in this little single-wall, three-person tent. It was storming out pretty good and we started hearing avalanches coming down… One avalanche was a little too loud and a little too close, so we left the tent standing and we got out and started trying to navigate in the whiteout.” Once the weather cleared, the team safely made their way to Camp 2. Two days later, Nelson and her climbing partner, Jim Morrison, returned to the interim camp to gather the gear they had left behind. What they found was the remains of a massive avalanche that had ripped across the camp, scattering gear everywhere and throwing it into crevasses. “It was a little crazy. We were kinda like, ‘oh wow I am really glad we didn’t stay there’.”

Photo by Nick Kalisz Courtesy of The North Face

Less than two weeks later, Nelson and Morrison found themselves atop the summit of Mt. Lhotse, the fourth highest mountain in the world. Four hours after that, they both arrived back at Camp 2, having just completed the first ever ski descent of the Lhotse Couloir.

Skiing a 50 degree slope for 7,000 feet would be an impossible task for some of the most dedicated skiers out there. Add in the fact that they did it at 8,000 meters elevation after spending the previous 14 hours on a summit push, and the feat becomes unimaginable.

Read about Hilaree’s Lhotse Expedition here.

Photo by Nick Kalisz Courtesy of The North Face

For Nelson, who has previously skied both Cho Oyu in Tibet and Papsura in India, this achievement is one of the highlights of her career.
But her career as a ski mountaineer is only half of her life.

Nelson’s two sons, Graydon and Quinn, are the other half.

Summit of Wilson Peak, Telluride, CO. Graydon and Quinn’s second 14’er.

“I got home (from Nepal) Sunday night, and Monday morning I was freaking out making kids’ lunches and trying to get the kids to school on time”

“I have two boys. They are 9 and 11. Graydon is the younger one and Quinn is the older one. They are crazy little boys… They are really into skiing, they are both alpine racing, they are currently in mountain biking camp after school, they go to climbing club after school, and they are really obsessed with lacrosse. And they both really like math too!” Between expeditions, working as The North Face team captain, and being a mother of two, it is a wonder Hilaree is able to juggle it all. And from what it sounds like, both her kids are on a path towards being just as busy as she is!

Instead of letting the busy schedules stress her out, Nelson embraces it.
“I got home (from Nepal) Sunday night, and Monday morning I was freaking out making kids’ lunches and trying to get the kids to school on time. It just doesn’t miss a beat… It’s fun to be a mother.”

As Nelson talks about motherhood, her face lights up with pride. “I like how unpredictable it is. I’ve always been a bit terrified of every day being the same, and kids are a sure-fire way to make every day different and an unknown adventure.” Nelson describes the unpredictability of her children as one of her favorite parts of being a mom. As she recounts the chaos of motherhood, I can’t help but think how this mirrors the other half of life. Weather forecasts, snowpack predictions, snowpack stability, and even personal mental and physical strength are all factors that can be unpredictable during a ski mountaineering expedition, much like children can be unpredictable during motherhood.

Nelson climbs Skyline Arete with younger son, Graydon.

“It is not that I put being a mother away, but I do have to compartmentalize it a little bit”

Taking on two very different roles as both mother and mountain athlete requires a unique mindset that Nelson has adapted over the past 11 years. “The emotional roller coaster I ride is sometimes very difficult on my kids. I am so stressed to leave them before I go on a trip, and then I turn into that climber person. It is not that I put being a mother away, but I do have to compartmentalize it a little bit so I can focus on what I am climbing. Then when I come home, it is really hard to switch back into mother. You know, I am full mother when I am home. I am in the classroom, I am picking them up from sports, I am taking them to ski races, cooking them dinner, making them lunch. I am just mom, like what moms do. It is almost like I am two different people living in one body.”

Nelson’s somewhat double identity life is what defines her. But it didn’t come easy. She describes her comeback from childbirth as the single most difficult challenge she has had to overcome. “Getting back to being an athlete after having babies was about the hardest thing I have ever done. In fact, it was so difficult that it almost makes climbing and expeditions look easy.” Her first son was born via a relatively “easy” c-section. Her second… not so easy. Hours of surgery for both mother and son, combined with blood loss and blood poisoning resulted in Nelson taking an entire year off from athletics.

By the time she returned to training and to the mountains, her mental strength had taken a huge hit. “I pushed hard to get back in it, but it was really difficult. It was really challenging on my confidence.”

All challenges aside, getting back into it was worth it. Having just completed one of the most iconic ski descents in history, Nelson was eager to show her boys some media from the Lhotse expedition. Nelson’s recount of their response made me giggle. “They looked at some video stuff of it yesterday and some photos… I mean, they are hard to impress, my kids.” With notable ski descents around the world, as well as being the first woman to climb two 8,000 meter peaks in 24 hours (Everest and Lhotse), and being named a 2018 National Geographic Adventurer of the Year, I am actually not surprised her sons are so hard to impress. She has set the bar pretty high!

Nelson says the boys are finally at an age where they are starting to become aware of what her career means. One of the most challenging aspects of it – long stretches away from home. Recently having gone through a difficult divorce, the challenge of leaving her kids for long periods of time becomes even more apparent. When she is in Nepal, the kids stay with their father. With the recent addition of 3G internet access to Everest Base Camp, it has been easier for her to stay in touch with her kids. However, a month is still a month, and time spent away isn’t easy. Nelson says she used to feel guilt when she left her kids, but now she has learned to view her career as a positive influence in their lives. “It has taken a long time for me to realize that having my job and being a mother has been beneficial to my kids for them to see me be a person, individually, and trust in that. It was a struggle for me for a long time that I was hurting my kids by continuing my profession. But I see now their joy and their support for what I do, and we can have rational conversations about it. I see that they are proud of me. I see that they appreciate what I do, and see me as a person. So I think it has all been worth it, but it wasn’t without a lot of tears and a lot of difficult times.”

“I don’t think they fully appreciate the dangers of it, but I also think they understand that it is dangerous”

Another challenge of her career – the danger. Ski mountaineering is one of the most risky sports any mountain athlete can partake in. At ages 9 and 11, Nelson’s kids are just beginning to understand the danger associated with it. “Skiing and mountain climbing to them, it has always just been a part of their lives as long as they can remember. I don’t think they fully appreciate the dangers of it, but I also think they understand that it is dangerous. I don’t know if they are okay with it, but it’s just what I do, and they love what I do.”

The first time Graydon and Quinn skied in the rain. “Being from Washington State, I grew up skiing in the rain and it was fun to see my kids reaction to the adverse weather. Of course, they thought we were crazy…”

“Then they want to come to the Himalayas.”

Danger and challenges aside, Graydon and Quinn look up to their mom with the utmost admiration. The boys support her career, and are proud of her accomplishments. Between their mom’s career, as well as their own personal experiences, the boys have started viewing mountain sports less as hobbies, and instead, a way of life. “Both my boys consider skiing not even a sport for them. They learned it as soon as they learned how to walk. It’s just a way of life. It’s how they play.” Nelson says she isn’t going to push the boys into climbing and mountaineering. However, despite her lack of effort, both boys have already made a list of the mountains they hope to summit. “First they are going to climb Mt. Baker, and then Rainier, and then they want to climb Denali. Then they want to come to the Himalayas.”

Both boys have already been to Makalu base camp, as well as summited several 14,000ft peaks in Colorado. When they were ages four and six, they made it most of the way up Kilimanjaro, but in Nelson’s words, they were “a little bit little” to make it to the top.

Family time on Telluride Via Ferrata.

As much as the boys idolize her, Nelson is reminded every day that they are still kids. They go to school, they play tag at recess, they wrestle, fight, cry, laugh, and most of the time are completely unconcerned with Nelson’s career as a world-renowned ski mountaineer.

“The best thing in the world is going on these expeditions that mean so much to me, but then coming home and having kids that in some ways are oblivious to what I do and are just kids… It’s awesome. It’s just a great thing to have in my life.”

Photo by Nick Kalisz Courtesy of The North Face

Cover Photo by Nick Kalisz Courtesy of The North Face


Read about Hilaree Nelson’s ascent and ski descent of Papsura, The Peak of Evil here.

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